2017-07-14

Sweet Jesus, the Jays fucking blow


For the record, I have found a proxy who is old and fakes injuries to bypass the lines.



Everybody loves free shit.

And make no mistake about it, the Blue Jays love giving you free shit as long as you’re dumb enough to line up hours before first pitch and spend triple the cost of said free item on food and beverage.

The house always wins.

So for all you greedy fucks who wait for the promo schedule to be announced before you pick your games - you know who you are - let’s take a look at the actual GAME results for every freebie this year to date.

Hint: YUCK

Date/Promo/Attendance/Result

April 11 Opening Day Rally Towel 48,456  L 4-3
April 16 Bringer of Rain Umbrella 38,188  L 11-4
April 30 Stro Jersey 42,986  W 3-1
May 11 Jose T-shirt 29,120  W 7-2
May 14 Marco Bobble head 42,030  W 3-2
May 28 Cowboy Hat 46,188  L 3-1
May 31 Team Card Set 44,058  W 5-4
June 1 Tulo T-shirt 37,722  L 12-2
June 4 Donaldson Bobble head 46,782  W 3-2
June 13 MLB Bag 39,404  L 8-1
June 18 Grilli BBQ Apron 46,599  W 7-3
June 29 Stro T-shirt 37,291  L 2-0
July 1 Red Jays Hat 46,672  L 7-1
July 2 150 Baseball 46,696  L 15-2
July 9 Sanchez Bobble head 46,622  L 19-1

6 Wins; 9 Losses
42 Runs Scored; 95 Runs Allowed

On the plus side, you’ve got a closet full of swag; on the negative side, you’ve paid a premium in both dollars and time to watch our boys play at woeful .400 clip (which is slightly better than the Giants, who are currently 27 games out of first place).

There's no real point to this post except it may help explain where that annoying, mouth-breathing, let’s-tear-the-whole-thing-down-and-rebuild-it-right-after-I-call-Jays-talk bandwagon fan, who always corners you at work on Monday morning and starts the conversation with “Sweet Jesus, the Jays fucking blow," is coming from.

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