Name That Douchebag

If you type the word douchebag into google as two separate words, it auto corrects it back to just one word.

So... there's that.

funny gifs

It all started with a simple text to The Human Rain Delay: We need to come up with a nickname for this Anon guy. Suggestions?

He comes back with: Not sure. How about "guy about to get kicked in the nuts"

What happened over the next 2 hours or so was pure gold. Well.....some of it. This is our conversation in it's entirety. I'm gonna put a star beside the ones that we noted as either particularly clever or just downright nasty.


English Literature Major/Currently Unemployed
Awesome McAwesome
Samuel Wilner Jr
Man Tracker
String Beanfellow
Principle Skinner
Prince Charming
Clubber Lang
Grammar Champ
Spelling B Queen
Johnny Fairplay
Boy George
Ace and Gary
A baby seal in French
Jimmy Ratté
Repoo Pehtni
Fucky Dent
Tommy One Nut

Rain Delay says: We should really write these down

Douche Lord
Brown Eye Guy *
Tom Givesheadforcrackmoney
Don Johnson Fan or DJF
Rich Uncle Pennybags
Captain Mustache
Garth Turner
Fatty McFeedbag
Uncle Tom
No Jesus Guy
Dolphin Bite
Dances With Wolves
Johnny Drama
Bitch Tits
Pinko Commy/Commie
Data Dink
Richard Head
Mike Hawk
Mike Hunt
Snot Knocker
Yourp Enis
Daddy Do-Right
Wombat Chow Claw
Chirp Chirp
Parkes' Bodyguard
Tiny Willy
Flower Power

Rain Delay adds: Jesus, I was just reading these over. Now, if only we put this much effort into something significant

I counter with: I'll make a poll of the best ones and let the people decide. This was fun

Rain Delay says: Good idea

There was a brief pause in the action and I figured the show was over. But no, no it was not.

Ice Pick
Kris Kross
Grammar Watchdog
Deep Throat
Dewey Cox
Puppet Head
The Patsy

I start to think a little bigger: We should do a top 10 list, with a super brief write up on each name

Johnny Emo
Goose Poop
My Shit Don't Stink Guy
Pop Tart
Sweat Pants Guy
Cum Breath *
Ass Blaster
Dr Dumb It Down
Sweepy McGee
Baby Junk
Choo much Haren on my Pujols
Johnny Jizz
Pussy Lips
The Siberan Express
Reach Around Boy
Captain Toupee
Cindy Lauper Lover
Sparky McGooglehead
The Missing Link
Bubbles McDrifter
Poontangless Wonder *
Fuji Dust
Captain Speedo
Mr Condom Broke*
Assmouse Cheesepants
Dad Shoulda Pulled Out
Crince Juice
Cheesedick Anon Guy
Arch Douche
Prime Minister Troll
Intervention Candidate

At this point reality has set in for me: We have way to many for a poll

Rain Delay replies: Who cares, put them all up

Gear Box
Raving To Jesus
Comment Raper
The Linguist
Human Spell Check
Manmeat McAss
Odd Body Odour
Johnny Anger Management
Hot Water Burn Baby
Toe Jam
M Night Commentsalot
Our New Friend!
Itchy Crotch
Small Ball(s)
Shin Shoo Shithead
Ankle Grabber
Big Blue Balls or 3B
Glory Hole *
A Fish Called Wanda
Vera DeMilo
Man Purse Believer
Pee Wee's Playhouse *
Load Catcher
Dick Muffin
Johnny Weeping Willow
The Monkey Army Effect

Take a moment and let us know which were your favorites. Or perhaps you have a suggestion of your own. No cheating.....


  1. Parkes' Bodyguard, Manmeat McAss and Garth Turner are the best.

    Also, you forgot one: Brett Lawrie

  2. @Travis,
    It makes me happy that 2 out of the 3 you selected were mine. Mad props for the Garth Turner shout out!

  3. Also, I totally fell for the cheating thing. Those sly foxes them...

  4. You forgot one of my favorites "Poof McFluffer"

  5. This is the dumbest shit I have ever read. I am now dumber for having read even half of it.

  6. Wow what a great list. You are awesome.

  7. So awesome he must be from Guelph.

  8. Any chance you guys have been recruited by bleacher report?

  9. mike wilner is the worst thing about the blue jays

    1. agree if he knows so much about baseball& is never wrong why is he not managing the jays ?

  10. This website sucks donkey jizz. DJF rules!

  11. Too much good stuff here. "Baby Junk" is solid.