Who the fuck is Elias?

OK sports fans, it's time to put on your thinking caps.....

Elias determines how valuable each MLB player is, and not just free agents. Every player is put in 1 of 5 groups depending which position they appeared in the most games at over the last 2 seasons.

Group 1: first basemen, outfielders, and designated hitters
Group 2: second basemen, third basemen, and shortstops
Group 3: catchers
Group 4: starters
Group 5: relievers

Here are the stat categories used for each of the five position groups:
2B/3B/SS: PA, AVG, OBP, HR, RBI, Fielding percentage, Total chances at designated position
C: PA, AVG, OBP, HR, RBI, Fielding percentage, Assists
SP: Total games (total starts + 0.5 * total relief appearances), IP, Wins, W-L Percentage, ERA, Strikeouts
RP: Total games (total relief appearances + 2 * total starts), IP (weighted slightly less than other categories), Wins + Saves, IP/H ratio, K/BB, ERA

Free Agents

Type A: Top 20 percent in their positional group.  If arbitration is offered and declined, then a first round and sandwich pick between the first and second rounds are awarded to the team losing the player.  The Top 15 picks in the MLB Amateur Draft are protected. If any of these shit teams sign a Type A free agent, they would only lose their 2nd round pick.
Type B: Top 21-40 percent in their positional group.  Again if arbitration is offered and declined, a sandwich pick is awarded to the team losing the player.  Example: Did that foul tip hit him in the Rod or the Barajas
No Compensation - 41-100 percent in their positional group.

Partial List of shit teams for 2009 with record:

1Washington Nationals
2Pittsburgh Pirates
3Baltimore Orioles
4Kansas City Royals
5Cleveland Indians
6Arizona Diamondbacks
7New York Mets
8Houston Astros
9San Diego Padres
10Oakland Athletics
11Toronto Blue Jays
12Cincinnati Reds
13Chicago White Sox
14Milwaukee Brewers
15Texas Rangers
Compensation for unsigned 2009 1st round pick, Matt Purke

Hey.....wait a minute.....we are on this list.  AND we just traded away our best player?  Fuck me.

Partial List of Type A's for 2009: 

Matt Holliday        95.960
Jose Valverde       89.874
Jason Bay               89.859
Johnny Damon     85.634
Mike Gonzalez      84.268
John Lackey          83.865
Rafael Soriano       83.667
Marco Scutaro      83.069
Orlando Hudson    82.488
Bengie Molina        81.224
Miguel Tejada        81.143

So what does this mean to me you ask? 

Naturally there are exceptions.  Think GAY J last year and more recently Scutaro this year.  Both these guys walked away from arbitration and we got shafted because of our free spending fucking divisional rivals.  They just can't help themselves.

GAY J was signed with CC relatively early on in the off season last year.  CC was rated higher by Elias hence the Brewers got the Evil Empires first round 25th pick and we got their second round 73rd pick but only temporarily.  Just to be sure, they bring Tex on board for 8 years @ $180 million.  In doing so, we got bumped all the way down to a third round 104th pick and a sandwich for GAY J.

It happened again but this year it was the Red Sucks turn signing Lackey shortly after Scutaro bumping us to a second rounder.  So the Angels get the 29th pick in the 2010 draft and we get pick number 61.  And it's not over either.....Holiday, Valverde, and Damon are all still on the market.  Anyone of them sign with Boston, we get pushed down another round.  Again.

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